LEAVING HIM
LEAVING HIM
Bolts
Jolts
of anger
Machine gun her
Pierce her very existence
Each part of her extremities shout
Out
Shattered by grief
Scattered.
Loss of face and shame
With wrenching pain.
Still reeling from the venom
Of each breadth
Every pulse of her cries
A special part of her dies
As she looks into
those Jekyll and Hyde eyes.
So warm the night before
now those of a stranger.
Silent she remains
Driving her insane
With denial over the years
Hollow trails of salty tears
Despite the throbbing pain
Nothing to be gained
From putting forth her view
Just be spliced and crushed anew
And spat out in humiliation raw
On salt wounds cut so deep and sore
A reality she can no longer ignore
To cut and dice and splice again
Nothing else she can do to feign
That all is right
When all is wrong.
Just wanted to belong
But gave herself up and more
Giving part by part by part she saw
Nothing left but near empty shell
And the chagrin of a living hell
Reverberating through her mind and skull
Brain fried and pounded dull
A volcano exploding deep
Poisonous emotions each orifice seep
Shaking like a 9.9
Blows her trail, no reason or rhyme.
Inside her very consciousness.
That thud thudding
Full of dread
Of what comes next
As he looks at her with vitriolic hate
The sparring and repetitive cyclic spate.
He says
she’s responsible for the bitter and bad
she feels sick and mad
in the togetherness they had.
She can feel him in every nerve and bone
The pain, strains and feeling alone
Can’t make the decision to let go
Though
She knows
She should
If she was a real woman
With strength and dignity.
She can feel every part of him
Is linked and woven with her soul
trenched in a fathomless hole
Out in the wilderness
without him.
Yet when those moods come
She is nothing,
All undone
Where play the devil or the djinns
And whatever sins
she commits
are Haunting
Taunting
For her to see and be
hanging on that tree
Ready to tighten the noose
Around her neck.
Though she takes that pragmatic breath deep inside
All she tries to do is hide
That resignation, fear and longing
All mixed up within herself
Just can’t help what she thinks is real
That the guilt she does feel
Will surface up.
again lifted.
Exhausted and terrified.
Wanting to save him
From himself
And for her.
But she cannot.