Screams in Her Silence
I met her on the bus on my way to the university
Staring out the window, at the small girl who tripped on the footpath and fell in the garbage can that her mother had forgotten to clean
I could see her eyelashes bat just a little
Her eyes, focused on the little girl with a broken doll walking aimlessly on the streets, failed to blink as the bus came to a sudden halt
She fixed her clothes as a man sat beside her on the empty seat, visibly stiffening, she reminded me of a scared puppy I met on my grandma’s porch
Grandma hated the puppy
It would quiver every time grandma’s footsteps were heard
She took out her Nokia 2100 from the battered leather bag that she placed between her and the man beside her
It was ringing too loudly, too painfully in the silence of the calm winter morning
I could hear a voice over the phone as she hurriedly pressed the green button
She muttered something about going to the hospital
But this bus only went to the university and I couldn’t for the life of me figure why she looked so scared—and why she lied
She hung up and heaved a sigh
And I could see in her eyes a sort of helplessness that I couldn’t quite comprehend, that of anguish and regret and pain and broken dreams, and perhaps struggle—years of struggle lost in the tears she wouldn’t let fall from her eyes that she had now shifted to look at the sky
It would rain soon, the wind gushed through the window as the bus pulled out of the traffic
Brushing past her hair, the wind almost pushed it behind her neck
And at that moment I saw all the reasons – or bits of reasons – of that helplessness she carried around
The purple failed to blend in with the brown of her skin and the bruises stared back at me with a glare that I couldn’t take
Burns or blisters I couldn’t tell, but as she attempted to hide them, the raw wound on her left hand gave her grief away
Her eyes finally met mine for I had been staring shamelessly
And I looked away, fighting the urge to intrude
I swear I could see her try to smile through the corner of my eyes
She even nodded just a fraction
An answer to all my unasked questions
I’m okay, her silence said